Monkey D Luffy's greatest fan!
by Maxulus
Summary: One-Shots based on Bartolomeo's adventures.
1. The most annoying pirate!

Bartolomeo was chilling out at the deck of his ship, along with Cavendish. They two were talking about something... An incident that happened some time ago.

"So, the story begins like this..." Bartolomeo said to Cavendish, starting explaining him a story.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Finally!" Bartolomeo yelled by the time he set foot on land. "It's been a while since I stayed for so many days on a ship. I got bored to the maximum! Being a pirate is cool, but the life on the ship is boring. I kinda miss the good old times back at East Blue. You know, blackmailing people and offering protection. It was very cool. Back at East Blue, I was a feared mob boss but now nobody knows me as a pirate. My bounty is only 10,000,000 Beri. I will never manage to earn a bounty high enough to meet up to his expectations..." Bartolomeo spoke to himself, before a tear appeared on his tattoo'ed eye. "Luffy-senpai! Will I ever get to meet you?!"

"Erm, boss." Gambia spoke to Bartolomeo.

"What is it Gambia? Don't you see that I am crying? Luffy-senpai will never rely on me as long as things keep going like this!" Bartolomeo complained.

"You can worry about this later. You yelled your problems around a marine force. We are in trouble, boss." Gambia explained and Bartolomeo raised his head which was looking on the ground, only to notice that there were several marines around him and Gambia, looking at them with their guns pointing at them.

"Crap." Bartolomeo commented.

"Pirate! Surrender before we shoot!" the marines yelled.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Bartolomeo started crying even more. "Even the marines don't know about me! I have a 10,000,000 Beri bounty, you bastards! I hate you! I hate all of you!" he yelled at them with tears all over his eyes. "I am Bartolomeo "The Cannibal"! You should know about me, you imbeciles!" he shouted at them.

"Oi, boss, don't lose your temper." Gambia suggested. "We are not here to bring trouble. We just want to get supplies and set sail again." Gambia tried to avoid getting in trouble with the marines.

"NO! Those fools don't know who I am! That's blasphemy!" Bartolomeo said.

"Boss, they are way too many! We can't do anything against them!"

"We will count up to three or we will shoot! Come over here so that we can cuff you peacefully!" the leader of the marines suggested.

"Please men, reconsider. We all are people of this world. What is this world if we fight each other? It's a jungle. We are not animals, we have sense!" Gambia tried to reason with the marines.

"One." the marine counted.

"What are you telling them, Gambia? If they were smart enough to understand your teachings, they wouldn't enlist in the marines in the first place! They would be Government agents or something. Not to mention they would know who I am..." Bartolomeo spoke with his only subordinate, as if nothing was going on.

"Two..." the marine kept counting.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PLEASE! SPARE US!" Gambia fell on his knees and touched the ground, begging the marines for forgiveness. Tears were running from his eyes, a flood of tears on his face.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Just don't shoot my subordinate, shoot ME! I won't be able to live on if I die knowing that Gambia died because of me. Oh, wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. Why shall I care about Gambia's death? He isn't me!" Bartolomeo commented.

"Huh?" Gambia jawdropped. "Seriously?! Boss... What have I done and you don't care about me?!" Gambia questioned his captain. He looked like he wanted to know if he did anything that disappointed Bartolomeo.

"What the hell is wrong with those people..." the marines yelled while looking at the duo, surprised by Bartolomeo's way of thinking which was nonsense, as well as Gambia's weird reaction.

"THREE!" The leader of the marines counted up to three. "Shoot!" he ordered the marines.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Bartolomeo screamed before he crossed his fingers. His face expression changed from one full of fear, to one of a man who was just having fun. A wide smile appeared on his face, revealing his extremely sharp teeth. "HAAAAAAA! I fooled you! Barrier!" he said and a barrier appeared in front of him and Gambia, protecting the two from the bullets.

"What the hell? What is that thing?" the marines were surprised while shooting.

"Keep shooting." the leader ordered. "If we shoot it for long we might break it."

"Yes! Go! That's it! Run out of bullets, you fools! You are stupid! I messed with you and you didn't even notice it! Do you feel pathetic enough or do you want me to do it again?" Bartolomeo spoke to them and he twitched his eyes, as if he was viewing something very scary. Then, he instantly reverted back to his serious attitude. Well, the serious attitude Bartolomeo could have. He wasn't a really serious guy at all, even if he tried.

"And I asked you to stop. God may have spared you if you stopped. The Boss isn't really good with those who attack us." Gambia explained, being serious and calm, as well. He was standing right behind the barrier with his hands crossed and his back slightly turned, looking at the marines by turning his head towards their direction.

"What's wrong with those people?!" the marines kept shooting.

"Oh shit, they are bigger idiots than I expected!" Bartolomeo was bored.

"Watch your mouth!" the navy yelled at him.

"Sure." Bartolomeo agreed before he made an awful gesture with one of his fingers at the pirates, shutting the barrier down temporarily. However, that time was more than enough to make a bullet slip through the barrier and hit him at the shoulder. "Argh!" he screamed in pain.

"Be careful, boss." Gambia yelled at him.

"Now we are even." Bartolomeo laughed. "However, after what you have done, I have no other choice but to end this battle so that Gambia can patch me up!" Bartolomeo spoke to the marines. He moved his right hand backwards, before pointing forward towards the marines with the very same hand. "Barrier Crash!" he threw the barrier towards the marines, striking them all.

"Oh shit!" the marines twitched their eyes while the barrier was traveling towards them. The barrier crushed on all of them and they fell down on the ground, completely defeated.

"Chk... That was pretty easy. Boo ya!" Bartolomeo run towards the marines and started kicking them in the face, before taking his pants off.

"Wow... Gross!" Gambia commented in disgust, while looking at his boss.

"Look at me, Gambia! I pee on them! I pee on them! Record this and let's broadcast it across the world!" he said while laughing.

"Erm... God may not forgive you about this, boss."

"I am a pirate, Gambia. I don't expect from God to forgive me." he spoke with a very serious tone in his voice, as if he said something with a very deep meaning. Bartolomeo then finished peeing on the marines and raised his pants, buttoning them. "Let's go. We need to get some supplies."

"Right." Gambia followed him.

The very next day...

"Boss! Look at the newspapers! They have your name!" Gambia appeared with a newspaper in Bartolomeo's cabin.

"Huh?" Bartolomeo woke up. "What is it?"

"They gave you a higher bounty... You made a bad name for yourself!" Gambia explained.

"I did?!" Bartolomeo was happy. "Lu-Lu-Luffy-senpai might actually look at me! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Bartolomeo blushed like a fanboy he was.

"Erm, I have my doubts about that, boss." Gambia was pretty negative about that.

"Huh?! Why?!" Bartolomeo looked at Gambia with an angry look on his face, the white part of his eyes was only visible and his mouth open enough to reveal his very sharp teeth. "Give me the newspaper!" he grabbed the newspaper and started reading the article.

"Look by yourself..." Gambia sighed and left the room.

"Let's see..." Bartolomeo started reading. "Bartolomeo "The Cannibal" has struck again! He is a very dangerous man from East Blue with a bounty of 50,000,000 Beri! What?! 50,000,000?! That's... Too much! Luffy-senpai will definitely notice me, now! But why? Let's keep reading... According to the marines who decided for his bounty, he roasted a bunch of innocent civilians and broadcasted the video across the world. He is a very dangerous man and everybody should avoid him. In case you ever see this man, please contact the Marines." he read and he froze, while his jaw dropped on the floor. "Oh shit... That was one hell of a pee." he commented and started crying. "Luffy-senpai will believe all those lies! He will never listen to me!"

* * *

Now...

"Then, I learned that one of the marines I defeated was a Commodore. He altered the report to make me look like a freak." Bartolomeo explained to Cavendish. Apparently, the pirate was explaining to his friend how he got his bounty and how he became the infamous pirate he was.

"Hahahahahahaha! You are such an idiot, Bartolomeo! Not that you are not a freak, but they exaggarated the story a little bit..." Cavendish laughed at him.

"Nonetheless... That's how I got my big bounty." Bartolomeo explained with his eyes closed and a wide smile on his face, only to freeze when he opened his eyes.

"Zzzzzzzzz..." Cavendish had fallen asleep after such a long story.

"Oh crap." Bartolomeo peed on himself while looking at the sleeping pirate.


	2. The hailstorm!

"Oi! Boss! We are sinking again!" Gambia yelled at Bartolomeo. Apparently, the crew had run into a hailstorm and it most likely wasn't the first time. The ship had already received plenty of damage.

"Quickly! Get some gum!" Bartolomeo ordered his subordinate.

"We run out of gum!"

"WHAT?!"

"Are you deaf, boss?"

"No! I just can't believe it!"

"WE ARE DEAD!" the crew screamed in agony.

"Oh crap! Gambia, go to the lookout!" Bartolomeo gave an order.

"What?! You can't be serious! I'll die over there! I might get hit on the head!" Gambia complained.

"Listen to me once! Go there and look if we are nearby any islands around!"

"Damn it!" Gambia run towards the lookout.

"Do you see anything on the horizon?"

"YEEEEEEES! There's an island nearby!"

"Great!" Bartolomeo took a serious look on his face. "Now listen to me, guys..."

"What now, boss?" one of the 56 subordinates asked.

"This... This is where we bid farewell." Bartolomeo gulped and started crying.

"You are joking!" Gambia went down from the look out.

"No... I am going to create a path with my barrier for all of you to move to the island." Bartolomeo said. The captain was ready to save his subordinates, like any captain should.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! We are not letting you die! You must come with us!" the subordinates begged Bartolomeo.

"Shut up! I am a man of God... I will go against the nature... I must be punished for my sin. And even if I wanted to avoid my punishment... I am the captain of the Luffy-Go Senpai! I won't let Lu-Lu-Luffy-senpai sink, even in the form of a ship. I must save Luffy-senpai's life at all costs!"

"OHHHHHHHHHHHH LUFFY-SENPAI!" the crew started crying. "WE ARE NOT LEAVING! WE ARE STAYING WITH YOU, BOSS! WE WON'T LET LUFFY-SENPAI DIE!"

"YOU GUYS..." Bartolomeo had no words to describe what he felt about his subordinates at that moment. He felt admiration and pride for them. Those men... Those people who set out to the sea, they were all men who were devoted to the future pirate king and they would never shame him, even if a mere replica of his was about to be destroyed.

"FOR LUFFY-SENPAI!" Gambia yelled.

"FOR LUFFY-SENPAI!" the rest of the crew also yelled.

"Luffy-senpai... Forgive us for never meeting you. You will never learn anything about us, nor we will ever get to meet you. But it feels like we knew you. You are the man who will lead this era. You are the man who is going to change this world. You are the future Pirate King! _Our King..._ " Bartolomeo made a loud speech as he stared at the hailstorm which kept falling on his ship.

"FOR LU-LU-LUFFY SENPAI!" he yelled afterwards as the crew gathered together in the middle of the ship, ready for them to meet their doom.

However, the very next moment everything changed. The weather instantly changed. The weather was calming and eventually it went back to normal. In an hour, the sun rose again and everything was okay.

"That was... a miracle." a crew member commented.

"Oh God... It was... Luffy-senpai! I'm pretty sure!" Bartolomeo made a guess. "I don't know how, but he saved us."

"Damn it boss! We are obsessed with the King but you are a lunatic without any doubt!" Gambia offended his captain.

"Shut up, Gambia! I know I'm right!" Bartolomeo said with tears all over his face.

"Yeah, right." Gambia started laughing.

And the adventure continued...

* * *

Somewhere in Kamabakka Kingdom...

"I'm telling you, those guys were lunatics... They kept yelling my sons name, even when they were about to die... They were lucky I saw them on my way here..." a man with a green hood spoke to Ivanvkov.

"Dragon!" Ivankov started crying. "Just vecause those men worshipped Strawhat-voy, you saved them! What a man, you are!"

"Chk." Dragon blushed.


	3. Weird battle! Bartolomeo vs Bartojuliet!

[Comments: So, I came up with the weird idea about this fanfic and decided to write it down. Sorry for your lost time. Have fun!]

* * *

 **"Barrier!"** Bartolomeo yelled out as he made his casual gesture with his fingers, raising a barrier right in front of him.

 **"Bartolomeo "The cannibal"..."** the man who was facing him said. **"You have done a ton of shit since you came to New World and for what? You are nothing but a mere fanboy... There is nothing you can do to help a man like Straw Hat Luffy... Lu-Lu-Luffy-senpai!"** the man cried out in tears as he spoke Luffy's name.

 **"Bartojuliet... You will never admire Luffy-senpai as much as I do! You are nothing but a mere imitiation of me!"** Bartolomeo said.

 **"We will see about that..."** the man named Bartojuliet said, before opening his hand widely, pointing at Bartolomeo. **"Wall!"** he raised a stone wall in front of him.

 **[Introduction Box]**  
 **[Bartojuliet "The oracle"]**  
 **[Captain of the Barto Pub]**  
 **[User of the Wall Wall Fruit]**

 **"Wall March!"** Bartojuliet pushed his hand forward and the wall started moving towards Bartolomeo with incredible speed, crashing onto his own barrier. The wall would shutter to several bricks as Bartolomeo's barrier remained undamaged.

" **As I said, you are an imitation, Bartojuliet. You know, I have come to meet him. And he knows my name. I have exchanged vows with Luffy-senpai! I'm not the fanboy I used to be back in East Blue!"**

 **"Shut up!"** Bartojuliet started moving his head right and left out of his anger, making his long white hair created a small breeze around him. **"Wall!"** he raised another wall in front of him so that he could prepare his next attack.

 **"Oh my dear Bartojuliet... You know what your Devil Fruit is? It is the inferior version of mine! You have no way of winning against me!"**

 **"As if... Wall! Wall! Wall! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!"** Bartojuliet proceeded to raise several other brick walls out of thin air. " **Wall Circle!"** he swifted his hands, moving them around Bartolomeo, engulfing and closing him in a small area around his barrier. **"If there is nothing I can do about your barrier, I will just build you alive..."** Bartojuliet said. **"Wall Ceiling!"** he created one last wall above his sworn enemy, completely trapping him.

 **"Shit!"** Bartolomeo said as he noticed what his enemy did. **"He can't win against me with his own strength so he relied on his wit... That bastard."**

 **"WALALALALALALALALA!"** Bartojuliet laughed from outside. **"There is no way you can get outside my walls!"** he kept talking as he turned his back at the building he just trapped Bartolomeo into and he started walking away. However, as he walked away his eyes twitched and he turned his back, only to see Bartolomeo behind him.

 **"Bari Bari no Pistol!"** Bartolomeo was about to punch Bartojuliet at the back of his head with a barrier enhanced punch.

 **"Damn!"** Bartojuliet rolled away, dodging the attack at the last second.

 **"Huh? How?"** Bartolomeo wondered how Bartojuliet managed to sense him. The truth was that he was as silent as possible. Right before Bartojuliet covered the building with a ceiling, Bartolomeo placed a barrier which would push the ceiling away from the building without breaking it. Then, he proceeded to move quietly so that he could land his last hit.

 **"Bartolomeo... You say that your Barrier Barrier Fruit is superior to my Wall Wall Fruit, but there is something you don't really know about my power..."** Bartojuliet came to explain.

 **"And that is?"**

 **"It allows me to see things... It makes me a master of the walls, a master of the fourth wall. It makes me know what this world is... It makes me like a God of this world. You see, this world is nothing more than a story written by a man named Eiichiro Oda in which Luffy-senpai is the protagonist, with you as a supporting character in his story. And you know what that means? That Luffy-senpai is going to be the Pirate King because that's what happens to the protagonists of their respective stories. They somehow reach their goals. That is why I admire Luffy-senpai! And that's why I am here... I am about to kill you and take your place in the story! Because one day, he will become the Pirate King and that will be thanks to me!"** Bartojuliet said with tears all over his eyes.

 **"Huh? I don't get a word from what you said, but that doesn't answer my question about how you dodged me, damn!"** Bartolomeo scratched his head.

 **"Well, I am nothing more than a character, created by a fanfiction writer named Maxulus... I am kind of a copy of you and a joke character. And as long as I break the fourth wall with my abilities, I know what he knows and know all of your movements. I was designed and written in order to combat you in this story as a rival for Luffy-senpai's admiration!"** Bartojuliet explained as he created a giant wall in front of him. **"And as long as I know what the writer is up to, there is no way I can lose against you!"** he increased the volume of his voice. **"WALL MARCH!"** he pushed another wall towards Bartolomeo.

 **"Chk... This is bullshit..."** Bartolomeo commented. **"So if you are a fanfiction character that was destined to combat against me, a supporting character in Luffy-senpai story, that means that I have some popularity in Luffy-senpai's story, huh?"** Bartolomeo smiled. **"And now coming to think about it..."** Bartolomeo said as he broke the enemy's wall with a barrier **"If you never exist in Luffy-senpai's story and I exist, there is no way I can die in this place with you taking my place! Because no fanfic writer will be as accurate as the real creator of this world and no joke characters are about to take my place!"** Bartolomeo raised the volume of his voice as well, before he grabbed a flintlock he was keeping.

 **"Huh? What's this? Are you about to shoot me?"** Bartojuliet gulped as he looked at Bartolomeo's eyes, shaking in fear.

 **"How do you know? Did your so called creator tell you that?"** Bartolomeo laughed.

 **"I guess I can listen to his thoughts."** Bartojuliet replied.

 **"And what do his thoughts say now, Bartojuliet?"** Bartolomeo took an evil look on his face as he was about to pull the trigger of the flintlock.

 **"..."** Bartojuliet's eyes twitched in shock.

 **"Oh, I can hear them... You are destined to die by this shot to the head and this story is about to end."**

 **"Exac-"** Bartojuliet was shot to the head the very next moment.

* * *

 **"Huh?"** Bartolomeo woke up. **"What was that?"** he wondered.

 **"Captain, you got drunk again. And what were those weird names you spoke? I couldn't even write them!"** Gambia said.

 **"I don't know Gambia. But I guess I should never drink again. That was just... Weird."** Bartolomeo completed.


End file.
